inertia

I can still remember the first time I heard the word, "inertia," it was in fifth grade science class. An object at rest will stay at rest, unless acted upon by an outside force. An object in motion will stay in motion, unless acted upon by an outside force. It fascinated me. As some of my friends know, I am obsessed with words, and often get caught up in using them, thinking about them, wallowing in language. Inertia is even fun to say. I wrote a story once...not quite a book, but close, and named it "Breaking Inertia." It was about a woman who walked out on her very ordinary life and came back ten years later - after many adventures - to find her husband and children still living their own very ordinary lives and how they didn't really need her to move forward, but accepted her back into their lives just as easily. As the story progressed, it became more clear that she was the one who had truly remained inert, never growing as a person or breaking from her own selfish existence, while they had been living quiet lives that were none-the-less full of meaning and purpose. Her one act of breaking away had not been enough to change her from that inert soul.

Inertia. I feel like I am there now. I become restless when I realize that I can predict so much of my life, despite moving forward in an every day kind of way - am I really being acted upon, and am I acting upon others? I am inert as a human being if my own essence is not growing and changing. Unlike a ball at rest, I cannot count on someone else to come and propel me forward, but I must be self-propelling instead.

Those who know me well, know that I am restless by nature. I resent sleep because there are always more things to do than I have time to finish - more books to read, more trips to take, more work to do, more time to spend with friends and family. Inert, I tend to wallow in my own thoughts, without acting. I pull inward and live in my own head if I allow myself to do so, and so I remain without growth or action.

I am inert, and seeking some outside force. Any takers?