OK, so I am most unfeminine in that I do not color my hair, cut it myself, and generally treat it as the dead locks of keratin strands that it is. But....today I thought I'd try something different. I haven't changed my hair color purposefully since high school (read - red dye disaster), and I have never done highlights. For whatever reason, I was standing in Walgreens, buying my millionth hair brush (either the kids steal them, or we have a hairbrush eating monster that lives under our sink - either way, I don't want them back), and I decided I wanted to highlight my hair. Oh, yeah, this was just a greaaaat idea.
So, I got home and thought, "not doing it." And then I realized I paid $13.99 for that box of color, and oh yes I was. There were more directions on the box than my computer came with, and it was really hard to read the directions through the translucent plastic that was a pair of gloves. Now, why they felt the need to attach the gloves to the directions, I don't know. Is it an extra bid to make sure users USE the gloves? Protection from water on the instructions? I just know that somewhere out there, some woman doesn't see them at all, and thinks she didn't get a cheap pair of plastic gloves. So, I fearlessly mixed up some blue paste with the little plastic paddle (which would make an excellent canoe paddle for outdoors Barbie, but, oh...nevermind), and tried to apply it with the little fingertip brush. But the brush kept getting stuck in my hair, and leaving globs of blue paste in odd places. And then I lost the brush entirely, and I kept thinking, "fifteen minutes...is that from the start or finish of application?" and I started to have visions of locks of my hair falling out. So, I abandoned the little fingertip brush, and just started finger combing it through my hair.
So, here I sit, with blue paste applied very unevenly all over my head. I kind of stink...I'm almost positive this was a mistake...and I am wavering between washing it out before the 15 minutes are up, or sticking it out to see what happens.
And why am I doing this? There is no reason why my mousy, dishwater blonde hair shouldn't be just fine. No need for streaks of light...except, I usually get these for free from the summer sun. The sun I haven't seen much of this summer, and it's depressing to end the summer with winter dull hair. So...I've gone the chemical route. I feel so illicit. I feel so cheap. And I really feel kind of itchy. So, maybe I'm developing hives. Then I can be bald AND lumpy. Good plan.
Why all this fuss over how I look anyway? I get mixed messages. On the one hand, I'm told it's what's on the inside that counts. But to be sure, if my outside showed up to work with no make-up, flip-flops and a bathrobe, I wouldn't have a job by noon that day. Certainly media gives us crystal clear messages that women are expected to uphold certain ideals of what is or is not attractive. Why settle for what nature provides, when we can chemically enhance ourselves.
So, I'm sitting here waiting for the structure of the cells in my strands of keratin to change, so I too can look nothing at all like Malibu Barbie - because I'll never be a Barbie doll kind of girl. Who knows...maybe it'll be a good look for me. Maybe I'll try red again after all...surely disasters can't happen twice, right?
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