frightening

So, forget the "death-ray," as I have now experienced being on the receiving end of the "death-glare." Hell hath no fury like an adolescent whose phone has been taken away. Yesterday Katie pulled some serious attitude, resulting in loss of cell phone rights. As I tell her frequently, she does not live in a democratic household, this is a kingdom and I am the QUEEN. And I reserve the right at any and all times to strip her of weapons and heraldry leaving her shivering and without electronics, as it may be.

I watched her go through the 5 stages of grief (when dealing with social connection loss, that is). Denial: "No. Wait. What did you say?"
Anger: "You can't do that. I won't LET you do that. No!" (said while clutching said phone to chest)
Bargaining: "I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Can I be grounded instead?"
Depression: No words to go with this one. Just a quivering lip and lots of tears.
Acceptance: "When can I have it back?"

The worst part of it wasn't the daggers digging into my skull all the way back home. No, that I was able to live through (although looking in the rearview mirror was not a happy thing). It was the fact that this is just the tip of the iceburg.

I've been there, I mean I've so been the person hating my mother. But at that moment, I realized, she actually hated me. My own daughter was loathing me, seething, wishing I would fall off the face of the earth. She was probably calling me a bitch under her breath. I saw it all, despite the fact that I was just getting "the look." I've been there.

The circle of parenthood is complete. And it sucks.

I am scared.