Hmm...so what is with all the vampires in the media? Blood sucking seems to have taken over the bookstores and television. From Twilight to TrueBlood women everywhere seem to be saying "bite me, baby." I have very level-headed friends who are losing themselves in the fantasy of losing their immortal souls. Think about that...giving up your immortal soul for some really great sex. OK, so some days that would sound like a decent bargain. I mean, when was the last time I had even good sex, never mind the mindblowing vampire sex we've all been exposed to in the last few years.
Whatever happened to Nesferatu, the frightening blood drinker of the early 20th century lore? When exactly did he fall by the wayside for pale pouty teens promising forever.
So, I'm fascinated. What is it that drives millions, no probably billions, of women to fantasize and invest in the fantasy? Is it the promise of forever? Is it the idea of staying young for eternity? Is it the idea that seems so prevalent in today's vampire stories of a love that never ends? I see a common thread among the most popular - vampires who have been killers, not the best of men, but those who strive to be better and women who give them a reason to BE better, to be more human. And for the women of the stories, a man whose passion is barely restrained. A man who feels compelled to give them everything. A man who is a killer by nature, but will protect the to the death. To the very death of their souls.
OK, so I have a theory (and yeah, it's probably a drunken theory tonight), but we live in a society of very enlightened masculinity. It's OK to have feelings and to express them, but our natures have not changed. Women want, on a very deep level, to be owned and taken care of. So are we turning to vampires when the men of today, who do not need to hunt and kill, are not meeting our very base needs? Weird. What are we evolving IN to?????h
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
my life as a taxi driver
At some point in the last six months, I have taken on a new job. There is no pay. There is no glory. There are no thank yous. Most days there are just lots of complaints. My new job involves shuttling my children around town, whenever and wherever their busy schedules demand. I've learned a few things about them, about myself and about getting organized that I never would have learned any other way, I suppose.
1. Carry a book with you everywhere. Sitting in the Planet Funk studio trying to tune out the pounding beat of the Black Eyed Peas is a whole lot easier when you have a good book to read. Waiting in the car for sports practice to end goes a lot better when you're in the middle of a good story. Or even a bad story. I've reached the point where I'll read almost anything.
2. Know where to find the bathrooms. When you only have 15 minutes to run a quick errand between the drop off and the pick up, you don't want to waste precious time looking for the restrooms. Scope those out first, everywhere you go.
3. No matter how good my intentions, no matter how complete my understanding of the importance of good nutrition for growing children, we WILL eat a meal from a drive through at least once a week. At least I know that the burrito from Taco Cabana will be eaten, whereas the yummy homemade chick pea patties will simply be poked and pushed around their plates. And I won't have a bunch of dirty dishes and some mom cussing going on after a late night soccer practice.
4. I will get lost. Despite mapquest, GPS in my phone and carefully looking up the directions before we leave the house, I will at some point need to do some quick turn arounds and yell, "stop talking and LOOK for it."
5. Everything in life now requires a bottle of water. Dance class - bring a bottle of water. Volleyball - bring a bottle of water. Writer's workshop - bring a bottle of water. Swim practice - bring a bottle of water. I grew up with someone pointing me toward a rusty garden hose. All that time as a kid, and I never knew just how close I was to dehydration at every moment.
6. I can work from anywhere. Vacation, driving down I-10 at 75 miles an hour, sitting at a softball game...doesn't matter. Through the miracle of modern technology I can now be reached any time of the day or night, in any location around the globe. I can text, e-mail, and phone anyone. I fixed payroll problems while standing in a hallway at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. Offices are becoming obsolete. So is personal time.
7. This will all end way too soon. I remind myself daily that these are just a few short years out of my life, and it won't be long before they don't need me. I'll just look for good deals on gas until this too passes.
1. Carry a book with you everywhere. Sitting in the Planet Funk studio trying to tune out the pounding beat of the Black Eyed Peas is a whole lot easier when you have a good book to read. Waiting in the car for sports practice to end goes a lot better when you're in the middle of a good story. Or even a bad story. I've reached the point where I'll read almost anything.
2. Know where to find the bathrooms. When you only have 15 minutes to run a quick errand between the drop off and the pick up, you don't want to waste precious time looking for the restrooms. Scope those out first, everywhere you go.
3. No matter how good my intentions, no matter how complete my understanding of the importance of good nutrition for growing children, we WILL eat a meal from a drive through at least once a week. At least I know that the burrito from Taco Cabana will be eaten, whereas the yummy homemade chick pea patties will simply be poked and pushed around their plates. And I won't have a bunch of dirty dishes and some mom cussing going on after a late night soccer practice.
4. I will get lost. Despite mapquest, GPS in my phone and carefully looking up the directions before we leave the house, I will at some point need to do some quick turn arounds and yell, "stop talking and LOOK for it."
5. Everything in life now requires a bottle of water. Dance class - bring a bottle of water. Volleyball - bring a bottle of water. Writer's workshop - bring a bottle of water. Swim practice - bring a bottle of water. I grew up with someone pointing me toward a rusty garden hose. All that time as a kid, and I never knew just how close I was to dehydration at every moment.
6. I can work from anywhere. Vacation, driving down I-10 at 75 miles an hour, sitting at a softball game...doesn't matter. Through the miracle of modern technology I can now be reached any time of the day or night, in any location around the globe. I can text, e-mail, and phone anyone. I fixed payroll problems while standing in a hallway at the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History. Offices are becoming obsolete. So is personal time.
7. This will all end way too soon. I remind myself daily that these are just a few short years out of my life, and it won't be long before they don't need me. I'll just look for good deals on gas until this too passes.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
frightening
So, forget the "death-ray," as I have now experienced being on the receiving end of the "death-glare." Hell hath no fury like an adolescent whose phone has been taken away. Yesterday Katie pulled some serious attitude, resulting in loss of cell phone rights. As I tell her frequently, she does not live in a democratic household, this is a kingdom and I am the QUEEN. And I reserve the right at any and all times to strip her of weapons and heraldry leaving her shivering and without electronics, as it may be.
I watched her go through the 5 stages of grief (when dealing with social connection loss, that is). Denial: "No. Wait. What did you say?"
Anger: "You can't do that. I won't LET you do that. No!" (said while clutching said phone to chest)
Bargaining: "I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Can I be grounded instead?"
Depression: No words to go with this one. Just a quivering lip and lots of tears.
Acceptance: "When can I have it back?"
The worst part of it wasn't the daggers digging into my skull all the way back home. No, that I was able to live through (although looking in the rearview mirror was not a happy thing). It was the fact that this is just the tip of the iceburg.
I've been there, I mean I've so been the person hating my mother. But at that moment, I realized, she actually hated me. My own daughter was loathing me, seething, wishing I would fall off the face of the earth. She was probably calling me a bitch under her breath. I saw it all, despite the fact that I was just getting "the look." I've been there.
The circle of parenthood is complete. And it sucks.
I am scared.
I watched her go through the 5 stages of grief (when dealing with social connection loss, that is). Denial: "No. Wait. What did you say?"
Anger: "You can't do that. I won't LET you do that. No!" (said while clutching said phone to chest)
Bargaining: "I'm sorry. I won't do it again. Can I be grounded instead?"
Depression: No words to go with this one. Just a quivering lip and lots of tears.
Acceptance: "When can I have it back?"
The worst part of it wasn't the daggers digging into my skull all the way back home. No, that I was able to live through (although looking in the rearview mirror was not a happy thing). It was the fact that this is just the tip of the iceburg.
I've been there, I mean I've so been the person hating my mother. But at that moment, I realized, she actually hated me. My own daughter was loathing me, seething, wishing I would fall off the face of the earth. She was probably calling me a bitch under her breath. I saw it all, despite the fact that I was just getting "the look." I've been there.
The circle of parenthood is complete. And it sucks.
I am scared.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
calendars
I realized, as another school year is about to start, that I have lived my whole life based on a calendar that runs from August through July, rather than January through December. First as a student, then as a teacher, and now as a part of school staff, I have based my entire life on the academic calendar. How strange to think of life in a different world, where time is measured in other ways.
OK, so it's not such a major thing. But I guess that this all came to light after talking with a high school friend recently. My life has turned out so different from how I thought it would be...not in a bad way, but just so very different from the life I had envisioned for myself. Through the magic of Facebook, I've hooked up with many faces and names from the past, and it's forced me to look at who I am and who I have become through interacting with them. So many of them are doing exactly what they set out to do in life...following some incredible plan. Me? I feel like I am often swept along with the tide, and drift where it might take me. I drifted into marriage, floated from college major to college major, and fell into teaching. It's the first landing that stuck, and made sense to me.
I can't help but wonder how some of us know from the beginning what we want to do with our lives, and others figure it out as time goes by. My friends who go by their January to December calendars and have had it all figured out from the beginning, well, sometimes I get jealous of them. They knew who they were from the time that they were born. I'm still figuring it out.
So, if I flow through life hanging on semester by semester, maybe it's these small chunks of time that can make sense to me. On the other hand, what a wonderful way to live - unlike those whose jobs are 12 months a year, I get a chance to start over once every year. To reinvent what I do, and how I'm going to do it. And in doing so, I get to reinvent myself. Wow.
OK, so it's not such a major thing. But I guess that this all came to light after talking with a high school friend recently. My life has turned out so different from how I thought it would be...not in a bad way, but just so very different from the life I had envisioned for myself. Through the magic of Facebook, I've hooked up with many faces and names from the past, and it's forced me to look at who I am and who I have become through interacting with them. So many of them are doing exactly what they set out to do in life...following some incredible plan. Me? I feel like I am often swept along with the tide, and drift where it might take me. I drifted into marriage, floated from college major to college major, and fell into teaching. It's the first landing that stuck, and made sense to me.
I can't help but wonder how some of us know from the beginning what we want to do with our lives, and others figure it out as time goes by. My friends who go by their January to December calendars and have had it all figured out from the beginning, well, sometimes I get jealous of them. They knew who they were from the time that they were born. I'm still figuring it out.
So, if I flow through life hanging on semester by semester, maybe it's these small chunks of time that can make sense to me. On the other hand, what a wonderful way to live - unlike those whose jobs are 12 months a year, I get a chance to start over once every year. To reinvent what I do, and how I'm going to do it. And in doing so, I get to reinvent myself. Wow.
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